Friday blues.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Family I guess no matter what your circumstances are nobody will look down on you unless you look down on yourself.
It just came to my sudden realisation that my character was not born this way. ( i know, slow right) It's influenced by people around me. It's high time that I start thinking about the values I want my future kids to have and start practicing it.
It's not your fault if life doesn't turn out the way you like it. But it will be your responsibility if you continue to let it be. And you have tried turning it around. You worked hard and put yourself out of misery. You have done it. But you feel ashamed of yourself. Why I wonder? In truth, you are your own enemy. Nobody thinks that way of you except for yourself.
Work I hate it that some people are putting up fences around them or putting on a facade. I hate it that people know something about you and deliberately asked you questions about it. Yet at the end of the day, they don't tell you what they know and just brushed you off by saying no lah no lah just asking. Just asking my head.
I learnt not to divulge my true feelings at work although I'm still pretty bad at it. I learnt to defend myself against certain individuals.
Bad isn't it. Cliques are hard to break into. Leaving the newly hires to form their own lunch kakis. And then there will be the odd one out who refuse to make friends with everyone else. Which I wonder why. Work is already a bore but it's a huge struggle when there is no like minded people around.
I'm sure the above is just the tip of the ice berg in a typical office.
Relationships Things have been cooling down which sort of frightens me. I don't know if it's just us or its the norm. Or it's just that we are so bored of Singapore and the usual malls.
I feel that every conflict is all about the same. As in the general idea of the conflict is similar to every other conflict with just a few different variables thrown in. It always starts with some incident and he remembered something I said eons ago while I don't. And from there it explodes and then I have to explain over and over again until both of us are tired. With this latest conflict, I feel that I'm going through the same motions. Maybe, the honeymoon period is over.
Sometimes when I talked to him about my problems, he will talk about how differently he thinks from me and don't see a problem in my problem. But it's okay, I understand that we can only come to terms with certain issues at our own pace. So no hard feelings there, just wanna empty my soul out now so that I won't feel like a wreck. And by the way, he thinks that I'm Facebook stalking people while he goes off to sleep. Yes we just had a conflict.
Kind of understand how hard is it to maintain a relationship in the recent months. It's not easy but as long if nobody is backing down, the feelings can transform into something deeper(?) I hope?
Kakis Kakis. What can I say? Kakis mean the world to me. I become a person that I like the most while I'm with them. But it's really quite saddening when not everyone is free to catch up. But nevertheless, hearts them. There is no need to have too many friends, so long as they are true friends.
Okay just poured out and emptied every drop of my soul. Goodnight World.
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Thursday, April 11, 2013
This award is probably one of the most prestigious and best award I will be getting in my whole life. Yet no one feels genuinely happy for me, except for my lecturer.
I felt worst at his and my sister's reaction. Well i shared the news only with them but "lol congrats"? What is that even supposed to mean. Damn, this is the exact same response that i gave when my Singtel ex colleague whom i'm not even close with came over to tell me that he had just closed a deal. So does this answer means that "oh I'm not very interested in your affairs, but congratulations anyway?" Or "okay I just wanna get on with my life, so I will throw in some congratulatory comments to get rid of you?"
Such disappointment. Should I have anticipated this reaction, I wouldn't even have shared.
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Saturday with myself.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Quite a nice change to be home on a sunny Saturday afternoon with no agenda. Just me, myself and a book.
But my mind's running wildly.
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Smiley smiley faceee.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I am supposed to be studying but feeling all restless and can't wait for exams to be over and done with. And hopefully I won't have to repeat any modules. Especially MA.
Just rejected an interview today. I am so indecisive. Agreed to go for the interview and in the end putting aeroplane to the agent. Cos after thinking and rethinking 8 dollars per hour and the travelling tome to jurong island doesn't quite match right. That was the conclusion after asking many people and rethinking. And then after rejecting one interview today, I agreed to go for another which doesn't even have a confirmed company. What's up with me man. Always getting myself into such fixes.
It's CNY this week. Well, received practically zero Ang Pows. Played with babies on the first day, went out with Mister Ong on second day and then stayed at home for the rest of the days till now. Oh oh and planned a bit during yesterday for HK trip with babies in May. Oh oh and quarrelled a bit with an idiot. He's up to his usual antics.
2 papers. Considered little so may the force be with me. Grant me the power to survive it without a tinge of regret.
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Monday, February 4, 2013
Sighh screwed up my test once more. My fault for not putting in enough effort. Got to have more self discipline. Survive this month. No pain no gain.
This is gonna be my mantra for this month , no pain no gain Labels: Studies
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Friday, January 4, 2013
Not feeling too great. Shit results.
Have been consoling myself. Brain is repeating 15% non-stop. But I can't help beating myself up for it. Why can they do it and I simply can't? Why?
Yes yes, I have watched truckloads of singing competition where the host and judges will always go, "No one is your competition. You are your own competition." Well, I have failed myself miserably and have hit the ground. Well maybe not. Maybe IS is the ground. That will be simply fantastic. I can forget about my plans after poly.
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I hate failing.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Worst mst of my entire poly life. And it has to be the last sem. Three papers and did badly for all three. Am I not working hard enough or am I just unable to keep up with the rest.
Not good enough
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Older Post
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Friday blues.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Family I guess no matter what your circumstances are nobody will look down on you unless you look down on yourself.
It just came to my sudden realisation that my character was not born this way. ( i know, slow right) It's influenced by people around me. It's high time that I start thinking about the values I want my future kids to have and start practicing it.
It's not your fault if life doesn't turn out the way you like it. But it will be your responsibility if you continue to let it be. And you have tried turning it around. You worked hard and put yourself out of misery. You have done it. But you feel ashamed of yourself. Why I wonder? In truth, you are your own enemy. Nobody thinks that way of you except for yourself.
Work I hate it that some people are putting up fences around them or putting on a facade. I hate it that people know something about you and deliberately asked you questions about it. Yet at the end of the day, they don't tell you what they know and just brushed you off by saying no lah no lah just asking. Just asking my head.
I learnt not to divulge my true feelings at work although I'm still pretty bad at it. I learnt to defend myself against certain individuals.
Bad isn't it. Cliques are hard to break into. Leaving the newly hires to form their own lunch kakis. And then there will be the odd one out who refuse to make friends with everyone else. Which I wonder why. Work is already a bore but it's a huge struggle when there is no like minded people around.
I'm sure the above is just the tip of the ice berg in a typical office.
Relationships Things have been cooling down which sort of frightens me. I don't know if it's just us or its the norm. Or it's just that we are so bored of Singapore and the usual malls.
I feel that every conflict is all about the same. As in the general idea of the conflict is similar to every other conflict with just a few different variables thrown in. It always starts with some incident and he remembered something I said eons ago while I don't. And from there it explodes and then I have to explain over and over again until both of us are tired. With this latest conflict, I feel that I'm going through the same motions. Maybe, the honeymoon period is over.
Sometimes when I talked to him about my problems, he will talk about how differently he thinks from me and don't see a problem in my problem. But it's okay, I understand that we can only come to terms with certain issues at our own pace. So no hard feelings there, just wanna empty my soul out now so that I won't feel like a wreck. And by the way, he thinks that I'm Facebook stalking people while he goes off to sleep. Yes we just had a conflict.
Kind of understand how hard is it to maintain a relationship in the recent months. It's not easy but as long if nobody is backing down, the feelings can transform into something deeper(?) I hope?
Kakis Kakis. What can I say? Kakis mean the world to me. I become a person that I like the most while I'm with them. But it's really quite saddening when not everyone is free to catch up. But nevertheless, hearts them. There is no need to have too many friends, so long as they are true friends.
Okay just poured out and emptied every drop of my soul. Goodnight World.
|
.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
This award is probably one of the most prestigious and best award I will be getting in my whole life. Yet no one feels genuinely happy for me, except for my lecturer.
I felt worst at his and my sister's reaction. Well i shared the news only with them but "lol congrats"? What is that even supposed to mean. Damn, this is the exact same response that i gave when my Singtel ex colleague whom i'm not even close with came over to tell me that he had just closed a deal. So does this answer means that "oh I'm not very interested in your affairs, but congratulations anyway?" Or "okay I just wanna get on with my life, so I will throw in some congratulatory comments to get rid of you?"
Such disappointment. Should I have anticipated this reaction, I wouldn't even have shared.
|
Saturday with myself.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Quite a nice change to be home on a sunny Saturday afternoon with no agenda. Just me, myself and a book.
But my mind's running wildly.
|
Smiley smiley faceee.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I am supposed to be studying but feeling all restless and can't wait for exams to be over and done with. And hopefully I won't have to repeat any modules. Especially MA.
Just rejected an interview today. I am so indecisive. Agreed to go for the interview and in the end putting aeroplane to the agent. Cos after thinking and rethinking 8 dollars per hour and the travelling tome to jurong island doesn't quite match right. That was the conclusion after asking many people and rethinking. And then after rejecting one interview today, I agreed to go for another which doesn't even have a confirmed company. What's up with me man. Always getting myself into such fixes.
It's CNY this week. Well, received practically zero Ang Pows. Played with babies on the first day, went out with Mister Ong on second day and then stayed at home for the rest of the days till now. Oh oh and planned a bit during yesterday for HK trip with babies in May. Oh oh and quarrelled a bit with an idiot. He's up to his usual antics.
2 papers. Considered little so may the force be with me. Grant me the power to survive it without a tinge of regret.
|
.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Sighh screwed up my test once more. My fault for not putting in enough effort. Got to have more self discipline. Survive this month. No pain no gain.
This is gonna be my mantra for this month , no pain no gain Labels: Studies
|
.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Not feeling too great. Shit results.
Have been consoling myself. Brain is repeating 15% non-stop. But I can't help beating myself up for it. Why can they do it and I simply can't? Why?
Yes yes, I have watched truckloads of singing competition where the host and judges will always go, "No one is your competition. You are your own competition." Well, I have failed myself miserably and have hit the ground. Well maybe not. Maybe IS is the ground. That will be simply fantastic. I can forget about my plans after poly.
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I hate failing.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Worst mst of my entire poly life. And it has to be the last sem. Three papers and did badly for all three. Am I not working hard enough or am I just unable to keep up with the rest.
Not good enough
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Hello! I am Xinni.
